LOVE IS UNCERTAIN

16th June 2009 , 8.15 pm Putrajaya, Precint 11
Lucky enough to have someone beside you to make sure u are safe all the time. Someone that u can talk all of ur secrets without being hesitate that he/she will let anyone know bout even if it is your dirty little secret. While im waiting Fairul to perform his Mahgrib prayers, there is one guys came across me and started to ask me why im drinking two glasses of drinks while sitting alone ( ayat pancing )..around 5 minutes later he ends the conversations by walking to the food court. I was eagerly searching for Fairul from behind to let him know about the meetings...Both of us started to laugh at the ends of story.

8.30 pm, Putrajaya, Precint 11
Half of my body numb and my mind floating somewhere else.Its like I just met with an accident a moment ago. Things that I always avoided suddenly became real. I couldnt cry. I lost my words. Im restless. For the first time ever I hate myself so much. Hate it like i want to commit suicide.

8.45 pm, Masjid Bulatan Putrajaya
I try as much as I could to rise and stand still and assume that I didnt heard anything from Fairul. I hope that I missed the whole sentences. I try to remember all the romance and love, memories, that we had all this while , how much I love him and need him so that I wont feel too dissapoint but not even one crossed over. Ya Allah mungkin ini agaknya perasaaan seorang ibu bila mengetahui anaknya telah melakukan kejahatan. Bayangkan minyak yang ditatang penuh tiba2 bekasnya pecah dan tumpah berserakan. I look into the lake..deep inside, close my eyes and says that I forgive u. As we walk together, suddenly I heard summons for Isya' prayers I exhale. I realized I shouldnt scold him that much, me either had made a mistake. Back to normal

10.15 pm
I reached home with a broken heart. Take my shower and sitting almost an hour in a bathroom crying. I did realized my mum heard me so I quickly put on my clothes and sleep.

11.45pm
Couldnt get my sleep until now..Im helpless

*** As a Muslims, we have been taugh that there is always be a Hikmah's for everything happens. I guess I need to wait for the Hikmah to come. Maybe a week, a month, a year or could be in the other world.


I always forgive Fairul and it takes sometime for me to forget everything and back to normal. This is the 2nd biggest mistakes that he has made.Like I said Love is uncertain but what I know is I love him for real since the past 3 years and still.